Thursday, October 29, 2009

Still Friday.. IT'SNOTFRIDAY, it's Thursday

Monday, ambulance ride to University.
Tuesday, stayed home from school & slept all day.
Wednesday, no episodes.
Thursday, no episodes.
Say a BIG prayer that tomorrow during her field trip for STUCO that she again does not have any episodes. I will be there, just in case. I have gotten a new book to read ~ Robin time, among 950 high schoolers. Yeah, I know you are jealous. Esp b/c it's in Salisbury MO. WHAT??
I need to clear a couple of things up, per Steff. When I blog that Steff has had a good day, I should have been saying, no episodes. The little rat broke down last night and straightened me out. And that's okay. We all need to understand where she is coming from and what is going on with her. First off, she does not have good days. Her body hurts and aches every single day. She feels like her brain cannot get her body to respond like it wants. She feels like things around her are moving slow. Every day she wakes up, she wonders if she will be able to see good, she wonders if she will make it through the day. Everyday she tries to put on a smile and force through it. She said last night that no one will want to be around her if she complains all the time about how bad she feels. She is a very smart girl. She knows how to be strong. Sometimes this is a good trait, sometimes it is a bad trait. Please do not approach her and ask her in a condescending voice how she is today. She does not know, the day has just began. You can easily tell her good morning and prob will get a better response. I'm not being mean, neither is she, but I think her little patience wears thin. She is dealing with more than you or I will ever know. I have hesitated to say this, but, she is a sick girl. You cannot tell by looking at her and she puts on a smile and tries to push through the day, but on the inside, she is a sick girl. Besides all the toxins in her bod, her system is totally out of whack. On top of all that, I started weening her off the anti anxiety meds, this multiplies problems. I made the decision today to ween her back on it. I worry about her getting too depressed with everything going on.
SO, don't hold me to it, but I think today will be my last post for at least 30 days. The CA DR said give these meds 30 days, work with the program we discussed and you will see a difference, I SO hope he is correct. As a matter of fact, I have faith that it will work. I'm in it for 30 days. SO, on day 31, I plan to get back on this site and be excited that her pain level has decreased, her episodes have stopped, and she is a happier girl. BUT for now, my focus is on getting back into life. I think I have neglected our boys and the grandkids for 9 months. Steff informed me last night that our house is not a happy house anymore. After processing that, I would say she's correct. Today, life begins again. We have a plan in place, in thirty days, we will know if that's the right plan for her. Until then, we will live like we used to, as a family. Not a mom on the computer, and a sick girl on the couch. I will continue to take care of her, but in a different way. Give me one month, then check back.
Until then, enjoy your little ones and appreciate every day you have. Love most of you, you others, I appreciate!! LOL See you around Thanksgiving. You bring dessert.

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