Friday, August 14, 2009

Is it Denial?

Have I been blind or I wonder if it's denial? Yeah, there's been a part of me that REALLY wanted Steff's problems to be something else. I REALLY wanted it to be something that could be fixed. For some unknown reason, I decided to join the Gardasil Group to read and learn. Not sure what pushed me that direction, I've had that address since I first realized it might be Gardasil. Anyway, once on that site, it lists all the girls, their age, state, symptoms, dates of shots and tests that have been done. Yeah, most testing is normal. and several girls have symptoms very similar to Steffanees. I think there are 50 or more girls listed. It's only the moms in the groups girls. I then went to Gardasil Youtube and watched those. Yes, one girl described the seizure like activity just like Steffanee. Yeah, I'm starting to get angry with all this. One mom I email with said her daughter is very close to Steff's problems and it's been 2 years. I asked her her phone #, got it and plan to call her later today. I would like to hear their journey, things they have tried, what worked and what didn't. I'll fill it later.
Long story short today. Im very tired. Was up most of the night. My wheels are back in motion. I took Steff to her Oral Surgeon yesterday to set up her wisdom teeth surgery. That went well. He was very nice. She was comfortable with him. She wanted to go to St. Louis to eat at Joe's Crab Shack and yep, you guessed We are bargain hunters, I think that's what we get out of it, besides her closet overflowing. I had her call Dave and ask him, instead of me making that decision, I left it up to him. AND naturally, he told her it was okay. SO, we shopped in 3 stores that she was looking for, Forever21, Am Eagle, & Delias. We did good. Then we headed to Joe's, she got that Orleans bucket that she has been wanting for quite a while. All was good. We were laughing, had a very enjoyable day/evening. Then during the finish of supper, it started. The shivering, I honestly thought she was cold. Asked her, she said yes, she was cold. I didn't realize that was sarcasm, something we both serve well. Then her head/neck started twitching, her hands went inside (seizure-like), but she kept her end of the conversation going. She tried to ignore it, so I tried to as well, trying to hold back the tears. Finally when I asked if she was okay and does this happen often, she said "yes, mom, this is just part of my life, to me this is normal" OMG> what a little trooper. We went to the john, walk was a little off, but not too bad, then we left. Heading to the car, I asked if it was over. She stated, almost, it will go into my legs now for a while. and it did. Needless to say, I did not fight sleep on the way home. I was awake and wheels were turning. So here's the question. Have I been in denial? Is she worse than I thought? I have been doing what I know to do to help her. I'm researching a bit further as of this point. I'm tired. physical , emotional & mental. I thought I would update, b/c I always say if I'm not posting life is good. AND you know what? Life is Good. She's just having a little set back right now ~ We'll figure this out. She's working now, which BTW, she did tell both managers that her hours have to be cut way back with school starting, to see how her body handles school, then we will go from there. They do need her on Sat/Sun. Wish they didn't. Okay, I need to clean a little before that man of mine gets home. Shopping doesn't leave much time for cleaning!! HA. Love you all. Pray for our little trooper. I'm so glad her personality is back. We have made progress, they are lighter, she's dealing and she's sweet MOST of the time again. : ) Life is good.


  1. have any objections to putting her on our church's prayer list?

  2. Prayer lists are good. She was on quite a few when this ordeal started. I honestly thought she was SOOOOOO much better and really, I think she is, considering how it started. I just wish it would stop and go away forever. But it looks like it stays in their bodies for quite a while. It makes me angry, but my focus is on the little trooper. Thanks Karen for caring about her.