Friday, March 11, 2011

The Documentary is Going to Be Made!!!

This is very good news! The total pledged continues to rise! Awareness.

So, it has been kind of a different week for me. I was considering putting the video of Steff's seizure like episodes on the Truth About Gardasil Website. Of course, only with her permission. We video taped it while she was in the hospital for the doctors to study. I have one CD,the others are still in the DRs hands. I tried to watch it a couple of times, but my computer would not recognize the format. I could only watch a few seconds before it would stop. SO, the very nice guy at work = ) changed the format for me to make it easy to upload for youtube and the website. I brought it home, watched it... and well, much to my surprise, it took me to a very dark place. I had a rough few days after I viewed it. Not sure what that is all about. We lived it for 2 years, but I can't watch it for 6 minutes? WTH?
SO, I made the decision to NOT share. First off, if I'm going to share it, I need to run it by Steff. Do I want her to find this dark place that I did? Absolutely not. I really don't know what her reaction will be, but I do know that I don't want to find out. Not right now anyway. Perhaps this summer, when the sun is shining, she is full of life and has no demands from school. Until then, it's up and out of sight.
Back to me. LOL I wonder if I didn't get to process the emotions I had while she was going through that horrible time in her life. I wonder if I just kicked into "mom" mode, trying to find answers, reasons, and logic in all that was happening. Not sure. BUT I do know that I have struggled this week after watching it. Dave says I should be happy that we are not in that place anymore. I am, and I'm really not sure why it messed with my head so much. It was sad and very hard to watch. I cried all three times I watched it. For now, I have put it up... not too sure what/when/how... but for now, it is up and out of sight. As I watched it, I thought... How could anyone EVEN think a young girl could fake something like that. WHY would a young girl fake something like that? Perhaps, at that time, that is where my brain went. To the way the Doctors treated our sick child. ... ... my brain is on overload.. we'll come back to this another day.

It's Mother Daughter Weekend for ADPi. We will be going to the Jeff City Winery tomorrow, DeJaVu tomorrow night and Upper Crust on Sunday. Big Weekend. I'll enjoy the time with Steff. ♥
I'm out.. need to get some beauty sleep. LOL Like that's gonna help!

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