After the BIG Blow Up on Tuesday night, a deep discussion last night, I think we are better today. I'm thinking it was good for her to release all the emotion and anger she has had built up for nine months. Steff believes I write this blog like we are a perfect happy family not dealing with much. I disagree. Perhaps I don't pour my complete concern or fear of the situation like I once did, but it's mostly b/c I know she reads it. Do I worry every single minute of every day about her? yes. I am very concerned about the episode she had Monday at school, the fact that her brain was telling her body what to do and it would not respond. Hell yes, that scares me to death. Does her knowing how scary this entire NINE months for me has been make things better for her? I doubt it. Today, I think I have made the decision to stop blogging about all this. My heart is heavy and sometimes I just don't feel like dealing with all this. The main thing I want to get across to each and everyone of you ~ I LOVE THIS GIRL AND I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET HER BACK TO THE VIBRANT CAREFREE GIRL SHE ONCE WAS. There may be changes in our lives as we get there, but we will be okay.
She is very angry with me, as one might expect. I did make the decision to get her these shots that have turned our lives upside down, against her judgment I might add. I pay the price every single day. BUT how could I have known? She is angry, period. I understand. I am angry as well. I'm angry that she can't just be a normal Senior, a carefree teen loving life. Yes, it sucks and it's not fair. But I'll keep fighting the fight. Know that. I will NEVER give up. I'm out ~ love to all.
I hurt for you guys. I hurt for Steff for having to go through this and endure everything that she has had to endure. I hurt for you as Mother who has to watch this happen to her and feel helpless because no one has the answers to fix what has been done. Robin, not that it's important, but I want you to know that WE GET IT. I put myself in your shoes as a Mom and I can not even begin to imagine how difficult and how hard this has been on all of you. The unknown for you guys is there everyday. I don't think anyone thinks you guys have it all together- who WOULD have it all together? You are a family- you are fighting this each and every day. If comments have been made (as it sounds), NO ONE ELSE MATTERS. You are doing ALL that you can- and none of this (none of this!!!!) is any fault of ANYONE except for Merek, the FDA, and anyone else involved in putting this vaccine on the market for young girls to be guinea pigs. You know how I feel, and I won't get into it. I just wanted to send over a hug, to let you know that I could never imagine the pain/hurt/emotions that you guys go through on a daily basis, but I just want you to know that I hurt because you hurt. :( :And I'm sure I speak for SO many people out there. You guys mean the world to me, you know that, but I just wanted you to know. I know this has been the hardest year you have ever had to endure, and I know this week has been extremely difficult for you all. Please allow yourself the ability to "let go" of trying to sheild emotions-- you are human. Moreover, you are FEMALE with a BIG, BIG heart. I just wanted you to know that we "get it", not that it matters-- but I love you, I pray for each of you for strength, endurence, peace, and moreover.. HEALING. I pray the God will put the right people in your paths to get Steff back to the way she was before. :( Please hang in there friend.... and please know that I'm always here.
ReplyDeleteI love you!
Chrystal
REMEMBER:
"I can do (all things) through Christ, who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13